I hate feeling stuck! I hate feeling like I have to deal with something because I don't have the financial means to get out of it. I swore to myself many years ago that I would never be in that predicament again and here I am. I know this relationship is doomed. I know it's not going to go anywhere. I know I'll still be dealing with this same drama years from now and I know I can't take it anymore. I'm sick to my stomach with worry. Worrying about my future and my kids future. How can I live trusting that my life could be in shambles in one day? That my entire existence rests on one unpredictable person? Where do I go from here? If you would've told me 7 years ago that this is what I'd be thinking and typing would I have gone through with it? I suppose I would have. For one because if I hadn't I would not have my son. But for two because nobody could tell me anything then. Nobody would've convinced me. I was in love and none of his flaws mattered. Fast forward to today and I still love him but wonder where to go from here?
As for other news...I'm 6 dpo today and definitely feeling like this is not my month. How could my little baby make it through this stress? Have I failed my baby even before it had a chance? The tears just won't stop flowing now. I need a break.
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