Too much big girl stuff

It's been a crazy few days. We're all still trying to adjust to this new chaotic life. Before Alexa we had everything down pat. The kids knew the routine and folowed it rather well even when there was no routine. Now we throw a newborn into the mix and the stress level rises. It's even hard just running out the door to Walmart. What do you pack? Do you have everything? Has she eaten recently? Where's the nuk nuk? All these things race through your head as you're looking for the keys and Abby and Nathan's flip flops. I'm hoping as we get used to it things won't seem so bad. The stress has taken a toll on mine and Burt's relationship. He has started to pick up on my cues for him to pitch in a bit more but the damage has been done and now I need to work on forgiving and forgetting. I'm like that. I hold grudges. In other news...today is the fourth of July, and yesterday was the third. For some reason all of the community festivities happened then. We took Mom Mom up on her offer to watch Lexi while Burt, the kids, and I went to see Collingdale's fireworks. The fireworks were great and the kids met up with a few of their friends there and ran and played and had a great time. When we got home Mom Mom informed me that Alexa had been up the whole time. This gave me a sense of relief because she had been asleep for 99% of the day. I had started to worry that maybe she was sick. I even took her temperature, Then I got a sneaking suspicion that maybe her sleepiness was caused by the zantac she had started taking for her reflux. After about 7 hours of it being in her system it seeemed as if it was comletely worn off by time we were leaving for the fireworks. "Yay" for a happy & relieved Momma! After watching Alexa for us Mom Mom stuck around and entertained the kids while Burt and I started cooking everything for the cookout. What a help that was! Right before she was about to leave I started changing Alexa into her PJ's for the night and to my surprise as I unbuttoned the bottom of her outfit I saw a dark thing stuck to the outside of her diaper. It took me a second but I then realized that it was her cord. Somewhere between the time that Mom Mom had changed her diaper and Mommy was changing it again it fell off. My baby is a big girl. I remember feeling a great sense of sadness when Nathan and Abby's cord had fallen off. I felt like the last little part of our bond was gone. That cord was the thing that sustained her life for so many months inside of me. And now it's gone. She's growing so quickly. A part of me is relieved that it is gone. For the same reason that Abby and Nathan losing theirs made me sad, I get some relief when I think of her falling off. It means she's getting older and for me getting older makes her a bit less fragile and a bit less likely to get sick again. It gives Momma's nerves a break from all the worrying. I don't want her to grow too quickly but just quickly enough for me to enjoy her and let my guard down a bit. Does that make sense? This NICU experience has opened my eyes to just how fragile newborns can be. But the princess has called, I mean cried. And now she's laying peacefully in my left arm making it impossible to type. More updates to come.