ONE MONTH OLD!!!

Today my precious baby girl is one month old. It seems that the time has gone by so quickly and yet when I look back so much has happened. It seems like just yesterday that I was bringing her home and taking pictures of her on the front lawn next to her "It's a girl!" sign. And just yesterday that she was being admitted to the NICU. And being discharged. It's been an emotional month. I've gone through every emotion on the spectrum. The happiness and relief when she was first born and screaming her lungs out on the warmer. The fear and anxiety when I was holding her in CHOP's ER waiting for Burt to get there crying my eyes out because I couldn't comfort her crying because she was in so much pain. The helplessness I felt. The sense of peace I felt when I knew I was no longer the sole caretaker of her when they admitted her to the NICU and wheeled her up there. I knew there would be nurses there that could help me to comfort and calm her. The confusion I had when her respiratory stats kept dropping. The joy I felt when I knew she was coming home again. The nervousness I felt about her first night home. And mostly the smiles she brings to my face everytime I pick her up to snuggle with her and smell that new baby smell. She's a miracle and everyday I try to take a few seconds out of my day to thank God for her. And even on her fussiest of days I appreciate just how much she needs and wants me. She's changing everyday. I'm still waiting for her first smile and her first coos. But I'll be patient. I don't want to wish away her baby days. For now I'm just so happy that she wants to be held and cuddled. For one day I know that she'll be pushing me away and wanting her independence.