Is this just the beginning?

Alexa is in the NICU. I'm an emotional wreck and everything SUCKS right now. On Monday night Burt brought it to my attention that she was breathing awfully fast for a period of time and then taking a pause in breathing and then back to rapid hard breathing again. I dismissed it a bit concluding that he was just being overly protective but deep down inside I was nervous as can be. Worried sick actually. How could God give me this gift and then make her sick? We just started being able to enjoy her. But being the wonderful parents we are I made an appointment with the pediatrician and took her in. She weighed in at 7lb 2 oz and her head circumfrence was 13 3/4 inches. So my peanut has a small head. The doctor came in and said her coloring looked great and that she wasn't too worried. She stepped out of the room to run things by another doctor. When she came back she told me that they'd like for her to be seen in the ER. She said that the ER would be able to check her oxygen levels and do a chest x-ray. Off to the ER we went. I still had Abby and Nathan with me. I made plans with my mom to have them picked up. In the ER I tried my best to stay away from any other patients. All the sickies in there made me even more nervous. We were brought back to a room rather quickly and then were bombarded by nurses coming in to check out "the six day old baby". Everyone was in love with her. We had one great nurse who pulled up a chair and listened so perfectly to all of my concerns. She said that probably what would happen is that they would have her admitted at CHOP for observation but that for now she was looking okay. I held Alexa and tried to get her into a deep sleep. I knew the doctors would never get to see what I was talking about unless I got her into a good sleep. Soon enough she was catching some zzz's and I laid her on the stretcher. And then it happened. Her oxygen levels dropped into the low 90's and then again into the upper 80's. At least they knew I wasn't a frantic unbelieveable mommy. I knew what I was talking about. My baby needed to be checked out. They made a call to CHOP and spoke with a pediatrician. Then I overheard a conversation in the hallway and knew they were going to be sending her to Children's. My heart sank. Even though I wanted to find some answers I never thought my day would be turning into this. I called Burt and told him what I thought was going to be happening. Then the ER doctor came in to confirm. CHOP was sending an ambulance for us and it would be there shortly. He then informed me that she would need an IV and some blood drawn. I knew I needed to leave the room. How miserable it is to hear your newborn screaming out in pain. The tears start coming to my eyes again just thinking about how horrible those next few hours were. As I started to hear her crying I walked away and waiting in the family waiting room. While standing there I was even more nervous and agitated. I just wanted to be the one to comfort her as soon as they were done so I walked back to the room. Outside the door I could hear they weren't finished so I just sat and waited. As they were torturing my baby my heart was being tortured. I stood there and cried. A few nurses tried to consol me but until my baby was in my arms there was nothing to comfort me. When I walked in the room I saw the blood on a gauze pad on the floor and blood on her little dress. How could this all have been happening? Thankfully they handed her to me rather quickly because I almost lost it. As soon as I held her she quieted right down. My baby knew I was there. I started to feed her only to be interupted by the ambulance drivers. The moved rather quickly and soon had Alexa all strapped into the isolette and ready to go. She was not happy in there but we had to get going. She cried the entire ride to the hospital and again my heart ached for her. It was such a helpless feeling. Alexa was only 6 days old and I had never let her cry so long. Up until that point she lived in a world where her every need was met immediately upon crying or even before she cried. Now her entire world was turned upside down and I couldn't even comfort her. Once in the ER I pushed the nurses and doctors to let me hold her. This time it was a bit harder to console her but I eventually did. Again she showed the doctors what had us so worried and they eventually called upstairs to the NICU and they decided to admit her. We spent about 3 hours in CHOP's ER. Most of which Alexa spent crying. She was so hard to comfort at this point and I couldn't wait for Daddy to get there. The tears again were flowing from both of our eyes. Again the helpless feeling overcame me. She seemed like she was in so much pain and I couldn't make it better. Once they decided to admit her things went rather fast again. They came in to do a spinal tap and to put a catheter in to get a urine sample. I left the room and wandered down the hall. I couldn't listen to me baby scream out in pain again. I knew they had to do these tests but wanted them to be over with. I called Burt and just cried. He told me he was close by and soon her was there. We were directed to a family consult room where we waited for the procedures to be done. After that we were whisked up to the NICU. There the doctors were waiting for us. A team of five or six swarmed Alexa and started asking a million questions. Next thing I know it was 11:30pm. We started asking about sleeping arrangements and our awesome nurse got us set up in a family sleep room. She gave us a little tour of the NICU. We went in and kissed our baby goodnight and off to sleep we went. Although I use the term sleep very loosely as I don't feel like I got much of it. On Wednesday Daddy spent the whole day with us. It was such a relief to have the NICU nurses there with her 24 hours. I knew she was in good hands and we actually got to take breaks to get something to eat or even just to sit, talk, and comfort each other. She had one episode of bradycardia when I was feeding her at around 5 and then another one around 9pm. We then learned that maybe she wasn't taking good breaths as she gulped down her bottle and have since started taking the bottle away from her after 10 sips. This seems to be working. Knock on wood. She even had the nasal canula that was giving her flow (not oxygen) taken out and was doing well. Burt and I left the hospital and went home for quick showers and to pack some things for the coming days. The time I spent away from her seemed endless but at the same time didn't seem long enough to spend with Abby and Nathan. How long could I keep this up? Being with only half my family at a time? My heart broke as I kissed the kids good-bye but they had my mom. Alexa needed me. Once we got to the hospital we met another great nurse named Amanda. She answered all of our questions and was so informative. Alexa then woke up and stayed awake for her entire feeding and even some cuddle time with Mommy and Daddy. Once we got her to sleep we again headed for bed. She was looking great and we even had talk of her going home on Friday. I was content. This brings me to today. It is now 9:35am and I've been sitting in the room with her since 7:30am. When I came in I was a bit disheartened when I saw the nasal canula back in. She's still only on flow and no oxygen but what a step back. Apparently her oxygen levels were dropping too much overnight and this was making her more comfortable. I'm eager to hear what the doctors have to say. I'm staying put in the room until I hear from them. The alarms are driving me crazy and my body is never at rest. I don't know how Alexa will ever sleep in our quiet room again after hearing all the alarms. For now I continue to pray that she doesn't get any worse. That maybe she take a few steps forward and no steps back. Please God, we need our baby home.