Another week has passed

I am now 38 weeks 1 day pregnant. I never thought I'd make it this far. I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. I was so worried something would go wrong. I just never thought I'd have another baby in my arms (well, I still don't but, soon enough). I remember just how worried I was about miscarrying. I checked those pregnancy tests everyday to be sure they were getting darker. And then the 1st ultrasound when I was sure they'd tell me there was no baby or no heartbeat. And then the NT scan when I thought they'd have a terrible diagnosis to give me. And then the horrible down syndrome numbers and the long wait until my 18 weeks level two ultrasound. Just so many milestones, but I'm making it. Now my biggest worry lately is just being sure she's okay in there. I know so many things can go wrong at the end of pregnancy too that I'm just afraid to count my chickens before they've hatched. I'm like moments from crossing the finish line and yet still can't fully imagine that she'll be here soon. Rocking in her swing or being fed in my arms. There's still that small part of me that doubts I'll get to have her. So morbid and pessimistic but until she's safely breathing in my arms with a clean bill of health I'm not sure I'll believe it. Anxiety over when I'll go into labor is hitting me hard these days. Every day I wonder will today be it? Every night I lay down to go to sleep I wonder if I'll get a good nights sleep or if we'll be trekking into the hospital in the middle of the night. I'm scared to death of the pain I'll inevitably have to feel but I know I can't have Alexa without first going through the pain and that somehow makes me slightly less nervous. The pain is temporary, my love for her, forever!! As I sit here typing this and thinking of her I'm feeling her squirming around in my tummy. A foot or leg just protruding out of my tummy. I love to push back on it and see if she moves it. It's so weird to believe there is a full size newborn just hanging out in my tummy. She's in there yawning, and stretching, and sucking away on her fingers. I just can't wait for her to be out here doing it too. Anyday now my love!!