Snowed in!

Today is day three of being snowed in. Blah! On Saturday we got 24" of snow. Then again on Tuesday we managed another 22". We have snow piled in our yard as high as the fence and all I can think about is how muddy it will be when it all melts. I'm hoping it leaves us soon. At least before moving day. Yes, you read that right, we're moving. I'm not exactly thrilled about it as I love this apartment and will miss it very much. I'm pretty sure I'll cry the day we move but I'm looking forward to all the new memories we'll make in the new house with our new baby girl. We signed the lease on February the 9th and I again confirmed how cookie our new landlord is. God, please don't let us have to deal with her much! I just want to move in, live our lives, and never have to speak to her again. Wishful thinking I guess. I think I'm going to start some packing today which should keep me occupied while the kids play outside. I do have some good news to report. On Friday February 5th I got a call from the perinatology office with my new blood work risk ratios. My T:18 risk came back at 1:10,000. My spina bifida risk ratio came back at 1:1700. And my down syndrome ratio came back at 1:5,000. I haven't breathed that deeply since before finding out I was pregnant and boy did it feel good. We still have to wait for my next ultrasound on the 15th to check on the baby's heart but things are looking good for this little one. I'll say it again, we just might have a baby come June.

To make a long story short...NOT!

I've been putting off typing this because I knew it would be a novel but now that it's time to type it I feel like I've already forgotten some things. Today us two days past the BIG u/s and my birthday. The day started off with a terrible bang. I woke up, got the kids ready for school and attempted to remote start the van to warm it up. As I looked out the window I noticed I had a flat tire. I woke Burt up and had him rush out to put air in the tire. Meanwhile the kids and I walked around the corner to catch Nate's bus. Burt met us on the corner with the van and we left to drop Abby off at school. I was already becoming a bundle of nerves but the kids excitement about the days events kept my nerves at bay. After we dropped off Abby Burt headed out to check the tire and finally ended up having to get a new one. I hopped in the shower and got ready. Soon Burt called me with the horrible news that his father had panceatic cancer (which his father fully denies). The day was not starting out good and that really got my nerves a-trembling! My appointment was for 10:30 but we headed out at 9:55 as to not be late. Little did I know that the office was running behind anyways. We got there at 10:15 and sat in the waiting room for 40 minutes. My fears had gotten ahold of me by this time and I felt myself shaking and I was needing to take deep breaths to catch my breath. I'm sure it was the beginning of a panic attack although I've never had one before. To save on time the nurse came to get me to draw my blood and by time we were done that the u/s tech was ready for us. It was the same tech we've had both times so I've become comfortable with her and she knows we're a nervous wreck and knows and understands why. We walked that long walk down to the u/s room and I hopped up on the table. Soon she was taking all kinds of measurements. I told her in advance about it being my birthday and about our cake surprise planned for later that day. We joked about all the pressure that put on her to get the gender. She first measured the head size. Good! The brain. Good! The spine. Good! We did slip up and ask if there were any cysts in the brain. No. Good! Then she measured the legs. Good! And pointed out the little feet. Then arms and hands. Both good! She even checked out the kidneys and the bladder. Another good! The baby was not cooperating enough to get a good shot of the heart though. She tried bumping my stomach with the u/s probe and even had me try rolling onto my left and right sides. Nothing seemed to move the little jitterbug. At one point the baby started to roll over but quickly rolled back. Stubborn little thing! I got up and used the bathroom thinking that might give it some room to roll over. Nothing. She finally gave up on that and told us Dr. Weiners would just have us come back soon to check it again. Before we left she took a quick peek at the "goods". She said, "I think it's a girl." I said, "How sure are you?" She said, "85% sure". Then I suggested maybe taking another peek in a few minutes before we were done with the u/s and she said okay. She checked a couple of other things and then looked back again and said, "Okay 90% sure." I was so happy that I didn't think to ask any of the obvious questions. I should have asked if she saw the three lines or just the lack of a "peanut". The lack of a peanut does not mean girl it could still be a boy with the goods tucked up. Or I could have even asked if the baby's legs were spread wide open or not. The good news is I get to go back on the 15th for another scan and I'll have her check again. Burt and I walked back to the office with the happy grin again. We dodged another bullet and couldn't have been happier. We met with Dr. Weiners who only confirmed the good news that all seemed to be well. I asked if they had seen any markers for down syndrome and he told me no. I asked about what some of the markers were and he just told me there were about 20 things they check for to identify any chromosomal issues and he told me that none were found. I was beaming with pride about my little girl. She is healthy and I couldn't wait to go shopping. We left the hospital and headed right for the Carter's outlet store. I really didn't have anyone I could call and tell the good news to because we had everyone coming over for the cake surprise later. I did however call Shannon and tell her. She was super excited. And the stress of not having a place to move into on the first of March was put on the back burner while we shopped. I walked into the store and I felt like a kid in a candy store. So many cute girlie things. I had been waiting for this day for ages. Finally I could buy pink stuff!!! We went a little crazy and came out with $146 worth of cuteness in the form of baby clothes. By this point Burt was starving and I figured I would spare him so we headed to Burger King. This in and of itself was a bit of torure because it it directly across the street from Babies R Us and we even sat in the window seat and I just impatiently ate my lunch and rushed Burt through his. Soon the torture was over and we headed out. When the doors to Babies R Us opened I swear it was like the gate to the heavens opening and I could hear the angels singing, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". We headed straight for all the gender specific things I've always wanted to buy. The pacifiers, the boppy slipcovers, the bibs, and finally made our way through the baby girl clothes and then over to the receiving blankets. The cart was getting fuller by the minute. Checkout time came and we walked out with a total of $165 worth of baby things. Nicole the cake lady had called and she was ready to meet us. Down City Line Avenue we drove and finally made it. The cake was adorable and worth every penny. It was getting closer to the time when we had to pick up the kids so we headed home. Burt dropped me off at home and then he headed out alone to buy me something for my birthday. He was so thoughful that day! My mom came to the apartment so that we could pick up Abby and Nate. Earlier in the day she had been pestering me to tell her what the gender was and I didn't crack but now I was so excited to show someone all the cute things we had bought that I spilled the beans. She walked into my room where I had all the clothes laid out of the bed and she squeeled with excitement. She had wanted a baby girl. Shorlty after we went through all the clothes we left to pick up Abby and even took a drive by the house Burt and I were considering renting. She liked it and I grew a bit more attached to it. We then picked up Nate from the bus stop and headed back to the apartment to wait for everyone's arrival at 6:30. The kids asked me a million times to tell them what the baby's gender was and I did a good job of keeping the secret. I would only reveal to them that the baby was healthy. Burt soon came home and gave me my presents. He was so thoughtful. He went to Kelly's Candies and bought a pink "It's a girl!" cigar, a "congrats! It's a girl cookie!", and a Minnie Mouse "It's a girl!" balloon unblown up. He knows how much I like to find little keepsakes and everything he bought he bought on that premis, that I could use it as a keepsake. Very sweet! Finally it was time and people starting arriving. First Rose and Imena, then Cindy, Joe, Ebby, and Michael. Then Linda and Makayla. And finally my mom, nana, Frankie, Amanda, and Juan. When everyone was there and ready we explained how the cake cutting would work. I was going to turn out the lights, cut two pieces of cake (one for Abby and one for Nate) and when I was done we would turn on the lights and everyone could open their eyes. After doing so we flipped on the light switch and watched everyone's reactions. I was most interested in Abby's reaction since she had so badly wanted a baby girl and I'll never forget how she acted. She screamed so loudly that her face turned red and you could see her neck veins popping out. She held her hands out in excitement. Then I checked on Nathan and he just had a smile from ear to ear. Everyone else's reaction is a bit of a blur but I heard lots of "I knew it's!" We all scarfed down our cake and milk and chatted about the new baby girl. I of course brought up the bags of clothes that we had bought earlier in the day and showed them all off. The kids all ran off to play and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves. I was just happy to know we had a very healthy little girl.

Could we just forget about it?

Today was my appointment with the midwives. They have me calculated at 19 weeks 2 days, but I figure I'm 18 weeks 6 days. Sounds good though, I gained 3 days! On to other more exciting things, NOT! My blood pressure was up a bit at 118/88. My weight was up by 5 pounds. And we had a bit of a hard time finding and hearing the baby's heartbeat. At first Becca found what I thought was it, but then she told us it was only the blood through the umbilical cord. Then she found it (so she says) and it seemed quiet and we only heard it for a total of 2 seconds before baby moved away. She was satisfied with that but I was not. We insisted she try again and she found it again but only for another second. I know it's there. There's definitely a beating heart I was just hoping baby would want to calm mommy down for a bit and let me listen to it. We talked some more about my down syndrome risk. She didn't seem as reassured that everything was fine but I think that's only because she was relating to me. She knows how nerve wracking this is for me. Again she offered to let me come in as often as I need. We finished up with instructions to call and make an appointment for the colposcopy and then...the big kicker...she started to announce my weight with Burt in the room. Wahhhh!! Why would she think that was okay?! I'm still a bit mad at her for that. So, off to sulk. Well, I shouldn't say that. I'm happy our baby is doing good. Active! But good.

So bored and tired of WAITING!!

I am so bored. I think it's a combination of anxiety, boredom, and excitedness really. I don't look forward to doing anything but going to that ultrasound on the 1st. Part of me has never been so excited and yet at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. What if I go there and they find something wrong with the baby? I'm petrified of when I start to ask the u/s tech questions and she just answers me with, "You'll have to wait to talk to the doctor!" Those words run through me and put shivers down my spine. Or worse even yet I visualize us being escorted into that small little office to talk with Dr. Weiners and he has "bad news". I just don't know how I'd handle it. I suppose I would just do it, I mean just handle it but I don't wannnnnaaaaaa! I so badly just want a healthy baby and a wonderful ultrasound. One were the tech points out all the baby's parts and organs and one were we get a nice shot of it's bottom and ultimately one were they say, "It's a girl!" I know, bad mommy!! Bad bad mommy! I shouldn't be hoping one way or another but girls are just so fun to shop for. I worry that all my negativity will just bring negative energy our way and something bay will happen but I can't help it. The diagnosis ultrasound of the girls has scarred me. I don't know if I can ever being truly happy and pregnant at the same time ever again. The days are passing slowly, but there passing I guess. Only 10 more sleeps to go and I'll be there. I have such great plans for that birthday if everything goes well. I already told Burt not to make any plans for after the ultrasound because we'll be too busy shopping. I plan on leaving the hospital and heading straight to the Carters outlet store and then to Babies R Us. I've been waiting so long for the day when they tell me what gender my baby is and waiting so long to buy something NOT gender neutral that I know I'll go completely overboard on the clothes shopping. I've been daydreaming about this day since we scheduled the appointment and probably even before. I guess today I could start planning out what things I want to buy from BRU that day. I'm hoping to have at least $600 to play with. I definitely want to order the bedding that day from an online store I found and I'll probably buy some cute receiving blankets and matching crib sheets and stuff that day at BRU. The wheels are turning now. I think I just gave myself something more to daydream about today. Oh yea and I almost forgot to mention. I am definitely feeling the baby move for sure. It was 17 weeks exactly when I was sitting, well more like lounging back on the couch, watching a movie with Burt when I felt a distinct punch or kick in there. And ever since it seems that our little pumpkin has been adamant about letting me know he or she is still in there. It's so reassuring to feel. And I even told Burt last night that I'm not as worried about the heartbeat check next Friday now since I have my own little bit of reassurance. Well, that's all from now. I'm sure I'll be updating daily with the countdown. It seems I always make time to post when I'm bored and anxiously waiting. Ta Ta for now!

The first big purchase is...

Today I am 17 weeks and 3 days. Taking it one day at a time although I am quietly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just waiting for the bad news. I just feel like this really can't be happening to me. Not bad luck Jessie. She couldn't possibly be having a baby in June. Well anyways, worries aside, today we made our first pricey purchase for this new little one. I had a 20% off coupon for Babies R Us and figured we shouldn't let it go to waste. 20% doesn't sound like much when we're talking a twenty dollar purchase but when you start to consider a two hundred dollar purchase that rings in big bucks! Chi-ching! I had been eyeing up a crib and changing table that were part of a fantastic deal. Buy the crib and get the changing table free. After tearing apart the crib and reassembling it I decided that I didn't like the way the bumpers tied on or the way the bumper slouched over in the crib. Just wasn't the "Oh I love it!" that I was looking for. I have now decided to stick with the original crib that I had picked out. But I definitely couldn't pass up the wonderful deal I got on the changing table. Between the 20% off coupon and my friend Lauren's 10% employee discount, we saved $48 and only paid $152. Wow! Wee! I'm so excited to move, paint the baby's room and get it decorated. Why does time seem to be moving so slowly? Only 13 more sleeps to go until we get to see our beautiful healthy baby again. A little positive thinking for ya, eh?! Please God we all just want a healthy baby. Today when the conversation came up again about what sex everyone wanted the baby to be, Burt said a boy (you know how men are), my mom said a girl, and Abby originally said a girl too. But shortly thereafter she took it back and said, "I don't care what it is as long as it's healthy." From your lips to God's ears baby girl.

Back to gagging

The two bedding choices. Aren't they just so cute? And everyone agreed on them: Mommy, Daddy, Abby, and Nathan. That's a surprise in and of itself!!

I thought I was past this. As of the past four days my gag reflex seems to be in full swing again. It started off as an upset stomach after a lunch of spaghetti O's and a dinner of homemade cheeseteaks and has continued through my bowl of cereal this morning. Yuck! Reminds me of those first few weeks when nausea was a constant positive reassurance that everything was fine. Now I just want to feel the unpregnant feeling of the 2nd trimester. Maybe it's stress related or heartburn for that matter. I've now stopped drinking Turkey Hill Iced Tea thinking that might have had something to do with it. Only 19 more days to go until the big u/s. I'm still a nervous wreck. I just have this overwhelming sense of "we can't be this lucky". I'm just convinced something HAS to be wrong. But in reality everything so far has been great. I go back and forth between thinking that God wouldn't do this to us twice and thinking that I'm just not meant to have anymore healthy babies this one must be sick. Then other times I'm totally engrossed in finding out the sex that I don't even think about it. I've been trying to occupy myself with online browsing for baby stuff but how long can one be on the internet? Have definitely made some decisions though and I am happy to present the two bedding choices. I thought about buying them both and then returning the one we didn't need but I think I can wait a couple more weeks. My tummy is starting to get harder by the day. And I'm still questioning whether or not I'm feeling any movement. I've been this pregnant three times before you think I'd know what movement felt like?! Things are going great on the home front. Nathan has his first conference coming up on the 27th and I'm happy because I just know Mrs. Citerone will be full of positive things to say about him. And Abby is happily sailing along in first grade. Things with the Daddy to be again are smooth sailing as well. We work good as a team when his head is in the game. For now we're just both looking for ways to occupy ourself for the next 19 days. I can't believe we're in the teens in our countdown now. Not that it has flown by but I'm reminded of just how close it actually is now. My pregnancy brain has apparently set in now. I just went to type something and couldn't think of the right word. Okay now I have it, my appetite (that was the word) is now in full swing. I'm feeling super hungry all the time. Eat baby eat! Grow~ Grow~ Grow~

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Another bout of waiting. Like I've said before, having a baby is so full of waiting. I've got 24 more sleeps to go until we can know for sure that we have a healthy baby. Oh yea and only 24 more sleeps to go until we know pink or blue!! I am so anxious right now. First and most importantly I want to know this baby is healthy. I want to be sue he/she doesn't have downs and that they are growing right on schedule. I got my readjusted risk for downs back the other day. My risk has slightly decreased to 1:265. The nurse tried to reassure me with things that I had already heard. I myself thought of it in better terms and it seems to ease my mind a bit. I think I graduated in 2000 with a class of approximately 240 girls. My risk of having a baby with down syndrome is as if I was the one girl out of all of them girls to have a baby born with it. I remember the class picture we had taken and my face was just a speck in the crowd. If my chances are so slim I should try to stop worrying. I just know too much now to ever stop worrying. Knowledge is power, but for me it is also fear. I haven't decided what I think this little one is yet. I keep having dreams about dressing a little girl and playing with a little girl, but is that only my subconscious telling me just how fun it would be to have a little girl? My logical brain tells me that it must be a boy. My last pregnancy was 2 girls so this for sure has to be a boy right?! Either way I just want to walk out of that ultrasound being able to celebrate my pregnancy. For the first time in months I may be able to breathe a little easier. For now I'm still analyzing whether or not I'm feeling the baby kicking. I thought I felt it a week or so ago but today I was a bit more sure. I can't wait until the day comes when I really just know. Today Nathan asked me if the baby could hear him talking. I explained to him that the baby could not hear him talking just yet but that as soon as he or she could they were welcome to talk to my belly as much as they'd like. I explained that the more often the baby hears their voice while it's in my tummy, the more likely the baby will recognize them when it comes out. Very exciting to think about. I'm so excited to share this pregnancy with them. I can't wait until they can feel it's kicks. I can't wait to let them shine flashlight on my belly and try to wake the baby. They already know so much about pregnancy. It's quite funny actually. They're trying so hard to wrap their little minds around it all. I love being a mommy. My computer has been acting up a bit. I think Matt is going to reinstall windows on it to get it back up to par. I can't wait. Now is when I need this computer most to help me pass the time. What else can I occupy myself with for 24 days? I'm considering taking up crochetting. I'm pretty sure Mattie can teach me. I should give her a call. Now I'm off to take a shower. I have to go into Nathan's class today to check in the learning totes. Fun! Fun! I' hoping the weekend passes quickly. Tomorrow we're supposed to be going to the zoo for a kind of behind the scenes tour but it seems the temperature has other plans for us. The high tomorrow is only forcasted to be 29 degrees. Burr!! To cold for outdoors. And then Sunday we have a party to go to at our all time favorite place...Oasis. Well, off to the shower for me!!