So bored and tired of WAITING!!

I am so bored. I think it's a combination of anxiety, boredom, and excitedness really. I don't look forward to doing anything but going to that ultrasound on the 1st. Part of me has never been so excited and yet at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. What if I go there and they find something wrong with the baby? I'm petrified of when I start to ask the u/s tech questions and she just answers me with, "You'll have to wait to talk to the doctor!" Those words run through me and put shivers down my spine. Or worse even yet I visualize us being escorted into that small little office to talk with Dr. Weiners and he has "bad news". I just don't know how I'd handle it. I suppose I would just do it, I mean just handle it but I don't wannnnnaaaaaa! I so badly just want a healthy baby and a wonderful ultrasound. One were the tech points out all the baby's parts and organs and one were we get a nice shot of it's bottom and ultimately one were they say, "It's a girl!" I know, bad mommy!! Bad bad mommy! I shouldn't be hoping one way or another but girls are just so fun to shop for. I worry that all my negativity will just bring negative energy our way and something bay will happen but I can't help it. The diagnosis ultrasound of the girls has scarred me. I don't know if I can ever being truly happy and pregnant at the same time ever again. The days are passing slowly, but there passing I guess. Only 10 more sleeps to go and I'll be there. I have such great plans for that birthday if everything goes well. I already told Burt not to make any plans for after the ultrasound because we'll be too busy shopping. I plan on leaving the hospital and heading straight to the Carters outlet store and then to Babies R Us. I've been waiting so long for the day when they tell me what gender my baby is and waiting so long to buy something NOT gender neutral that I know I'll go completely overboard on the clothes shopping. I've been daydreaming about this day since we scheduled the appointment and probably even before. I guess today I could start planning out what things I want to buy from BRU that day. I'm hoping to have at least $600 to play with. I definitely want to order the bedding that day from an online store I found and I'll probably buy some cute receiving blankets and matching crib sheets and stuff that day at BRU. The wheels are turning now. I think I just gave myself something more to daydream about today. Oh yea and I almost forgot to mention. I am definitely feeling the baby move for sure. It was 17 weeks exactly when I was sitting, well more like lounging back on the couch, watching a movie with Burt when I felt a distinct punch or kick in there. And ever since it seems that our little pumpkin has been adamant about letting me know he or she is still in there. It's so reassuring to feel. And I even told Burt last night that I'm not as worried about the heartbeat check next Friday now since I have my own little bit of reassurance. Well, that's all from now. I'm sure I'll be updating daily with the countdown. It seems I always make time to post when I'm bored and anxiously waiting. Ta Ta for now!