They say it's good luck!

Well, where to start? It's only 9am and I've got something to talk about? That's never good. So I woke up this morning and took my temperature as always and it was only 98.12. This of course threw me for a loop because it started out so high on 1dpo. Now it has continued to drop. I couldn't be expecting AF just 4 days past ovulation so I'm crossing my fingers that it's a good sign. I have a little nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach saying that I'm going to be pregnant . It's a different feeling then being optimistic it's just a gut feelig telling me to relax everything is fine. The problem is I am much to superstitious to say it out loud so here it will sit under wraps and secretly hidden. I've been having this slightly nagging pain in my left ovary. If I remember correctly it's the same pain I had the month I conceived the twins. Fingers crossed everything is going just the way it should be. Oh yea, I almost forgot. The second thing that happened to today that gives me reason to be blogging so early this morning is that a wonderful little birdie decided that my head was going to be it's dumping ground this morning. I was standing at he bus stop waiting for Nate's bus when all of a sudden I felt what seemed like a large drop of water fall onto my head. I said to Abby, "That better not have been bird poo!". Minutes later Shannon came out and said, "Look at me. Bend down." And sure enough she confirmed what I had originally thought. Bird poo!!! She stayed at the stop with Nate and Abby while I ran home to have Burt help we wash it out. How embarrassing!! I think the only thing that helped me keep my composser was this little voice in the back of my head saying, it's good luck! So I continued to chant that over and over. Please God let it be good luck. We just want a healthy little baby. Pink or blue, either will do!

Train wreck coming through...

I'm beginning to think I'm a hormonal train wreck. My emotions have been all over today, but mostly sad and teary eyed. I've been working on the girls' scrapbook. And I know that has something to do with it. My new mission is to get it done before I take even one hpt. I feel like that chapter in my book (no pun intended) must be closed before I open another one. It is so hard to be trying to conceive again. And I knew it would be. But attempting to do this book and being in the 2ww are just a recipe for emotional disaster. Every page I finish just hurts a little more. I want so much to have all their things in one beautiful keepsake but actually doing it makes me feel like I'm one step closer to forgetting them. In other news, Burt and I have been fighting like cats and dogs. I don't know how it's going to be possible for our precious little embie(s) to implant in there with such a stressful and traumatic environment. I spent a little time tonight trying to explain to him just how hard this is for me. I don't think he gets it, of course, but at least he pretended to listen. I thought for a slight second that he was comprehending but that all came crashing down when I attempted to show him the pages of the scrapbook that I got finished and he started huffing and puffing. He says he didn't mean to if he did, but he doesn't think he did. Even worse! He did it subconsciously without even meaning too! I wish he could feel the pain in my heart for just one day. He might just take it easy on me.

Abby got her second tooth pulled today. She was pretty nervous but did awesome! Today was picture day for my big kindergartner. I hope he smiled nice and opened his big blue eyes nice and wide.

Well I can't stop yawning and I just know my headache won't go away until I'm asleep so I must turn in for the night. Thanks for listening. Again. Oh yea but before I forget...I want to do a symptom check everyday. Just to make myself a bit more crazy. Today is 3dpo and I've had a killer headache for about 5 hours now. My back is throbbing and as you can see I'm an emotional wreck. If that weren't enough I am so bloated probably due to he gas factor. Sorry, TMI! Until tomorrow!

Good night my angel baby girls! I love you with every fiber of my being. xoxo

Daydreaming...

Hopefully this is what's going on inside of me right now!! I can't stop thinking about whether or not we caught that egg this month. I'm feeling optimistic but the facts sometimes make it hard for me. Did you know your chanes for conception each month are only 20%? That's rough. So here I sit on a lazy sunday afternoon daydreaming about what the sperm and egg are up to in there. If anything I hope they know how very loved they are and while grasping at straws here I must bribe and say if you implant and become a healthy baby or babies for me then I'll buy you some really nice toys. Oh wait! I already have lots of them in storage for you. brand new in the packaging! I'm begging you!

It came and it went.

Update: today is cd 19 for me. I'm 99.9% sure I ovulated yesterday although my chart won't confirm it for two more mornings. My temp spiked right up there today to 98.46 from 97.78 or so. I was so happy this morning. I'm feeling pretty positive today. We got in some really good bd'ing. Let's see...I got my positive opk on friday early afternoon. We bd'd the night before the positive, the day of the positive, and two times the day of ovulation, once in the morning and once at night. I'm so hoping that we caught the eggie. My temp went up pretty high so maybe even two eggies got released. Fingers crossed. Now onto some more waiting!

Today we went to church and like always these two cross shaped light reflections shined up on the wall. I know they were probably there before we started going to this church and they'll still probably be there if we ever sop going but it's a beautiful reminder of my baby girls. I take comfort in finding things that come in pairs around me. I feel as if they're right there with me. Yesterday I was driving as the sun was setting and saw a gorgeous pair of clouds. Nice and white and fluffy with the beautiful blue/pink sky in the background. I know my girls are near. I love you Heaven Lee and Destiny. I love to see things that remind me of you. It makes me smile.

The big "O"

So it's here! After posting this morning I went and tested again with an internet cheapie. The test line was there and pretty dark. But definitely not what I would consider positive. I knew from before that I never really got a true positive with these things. They were always almost positive or not even close. This opk fell under the almost positive category so I decided to "waste" another digital opk to double check. I watched for a few seconds as the little test symbol flashed and then I just waited. I tried to occupy myself with the internet for a few minutes and then I glanced over at the test. And there it was. A beautiful little smiley face! YAY! I was so excited that I let out a little squeal. We bd'd last night and then again today when Burt came home. Now we'll stick with the once a day theory until O is confirmed. Hopefully that will be in a couple of days. Now that I know the eggie did it's job let's cheer on those spermies!! Go spermies! Find that eggie! Be real men!!! I figure if I insult them a little they might be a bit more aggressive.

Marco! Polo! Marco! Polo!

Well I am definitely playing this little game with my opk's this week. On cd 10 I started out with an imaginary line that I thought I saw on the test. Then finally by cd 15 I actually started to see something. And now today on cd 17 there is a for real line and it's getting pretty close to positive. I can't stop thinking about how great it would be to be pregnant again. I would only be like three weeks behind my friend Shannon who just found out she's pregnant. It would make it much easier to deal with the jealousy factor for sure! I also just want to be pregnant again to be pregnant. I so love being pregnant and feeling important. Although this time we don't plan on telling anyone until we get some sort of confirmation that everything is fine. I don't know what week that will be but I will wait this time. I don't even plan on telling the kids. It will be kinda fun to have a secret that just Burt and I know. Please body, don't let me down! If God listens to prayers then he is being bombarded with them now!

All about waiting!

The second one is definitely darker in person.

Chi-ching! That's all this amounts to.

No smiley face for me...YET!

The more time I spend on this trying to conceive roller coaster the more I notice that ttc is all about waiting. First we wait for ovulation to occur. In my case that's a very stressful and sometimes long wait. With irregular and long cycles waiting to O can be torturous! This cycle I started clomid a day later then the cycle I got pregnant with the twins and so I'm thinking I might ovulate a day later too. Today is cd 16 and my opk's are finally starting to show some sort of line. I'm hoping with time they will get darker and darker. But back to the waiting rant! The second period of waiting is what women in the ttc world like to call the 2WW or the two week wait. Most women hate this waiting more but I on the other hand really enjoy it. This is a time when I can validate treating myself like I may be pregnant. I take it easy lifting things. I get plenty of rest and daydream a lot. But I must admit that the 1ww is a bit harder for me. As the testing date get closer and closer I get more and more anxious. And then back to the waiting. The next thing we wait for is the 10 minutes it takes to confirm a BFN. BooooO! We all hate BFN's! And in between the time of the BFN's and AF is more waiting followed by lots of chocolate and possible fits of crying. Such an emotional time for a woman. It's amazing I've made it this far. It seems like we've been ttc FOREVER! But it's been about 16 months now and I've been pregnant twice. So not a bad record for the getting pregnant part but a terrible record for the staying pregnant part! Oh, wait! I feel something. As I sit here typing I'm feeling some aching down below. I know my ovaries are working. I just hope they're working to produce some nice healthy eggies! Please please please!

In other news, the kids have another soccer game tonight. I might take more pics and post them later. They're getting pretty good at this. I'm proud! Nathan has a class trip coming up to some apple orchard. I volunteered to be a chaperon. I figured this would be a good chance for me to take some pics of hi and some of his classmates for his school scrapbook. Speaking of which I better get my but moving on these scrapbooks. The holidays are fast approaching and I have two years worth of pics to catch up on. I need some motivation.