She's sicker then she's ever been before.

The hell continues. Alexa is back at the hospital. On Sunday July 25th she started with a small cough every once in awhile. I knew she was headed down the path but was hoping we would avoid anything serious. Monday she continued with the cough. She also had an appointment to get her weight checked to change the dosage of her zantac. While at the appointment the doctor weighed her. She came in at a healthy 9lbs 15oz. Growing like a weed. We talked about the reflux and decided we'd give the zantac another try. Monday night she had her first dose at .9mL. It didn't seem to do much for her reflux symptoms so we kept at it. Tuesday morning she had another dose. Tuesday night at around 10pm she had a feed. This feed was especially sloppy and she gulped in lots of air and ate very quickly. Shortly after the feed she had a coughing fit and her lips even turned a bluish color. After recovering from this coughing fit she soon had another where she threw up her last feed and continued struggling to breathe. The best way I can describe it was that she was coughing then gulping in air. It's almost as if any oxygen she was getting in was going right into her tummy and not her lungs. This went on for a few minutes and I decided we should call 911. By the time the ambulance had arrived she was breathing normally again but I still wanted to bring her to the hospital to get checked out. Once in the ambulance they turned on the sirens and we made our way. Burt left a few minutes after us and met us in the ER. Amanda and Juan watched Nathan and Abby. Once in the ER and after giving her history I had begun to wonder whether the entire incident was related to her reflux. After talking it over with the ER doctors they decided we should continue the zantac and it should begin to give her some relief. We felt comfortable bringing her home. We got home around 1:30am. Wednesday her cough continued but her crankiness increased. She was compltely inconsolable from 5pm until 9:30pm. Even mommy couldn't calm her down and the stress of it all had me in tears. By Thursday I had had enough. I knew the doctors needed to help us. I put a call into the pediatrician. When they called me back we agreed to stop the zantac and change her formula to Nutramigen. By Thursday night we had a "normal" baby. She was content to just hang out with the family and I loved it! Friday and Saturday the cough continued. Saturday night was the last straw and I put another call into the pediatrician. Not before I had a mental break down and cried my eyes out. It's heart wrenching watching your baby suffer and not being able to do anything for her. Not only that but I was constantly questioning whether or not I was doing the right thing by keeping her home. When the on call nurse called me back and told me to bring her down to CHOP's ER I was kind of relieved. I knew we might get some answers then. I even decided to pack a little bag in case they decided to admit her. Good thing I did. Once we got here the doctors caught a glimpse of this coughing I was describing. They got the ball rolling and she was admitted. She had a chest x-ray done which was clear. She had a mucous sample taken with a small tube that sucked out some mucous and everything was sent to the lab. They began testing her for pertusis, chlamydia, and another ten or so viruses. Sunday morning Burt left to go home and get things situated with the kids. He spent the day with them trying to keep things somewhat normal. I spent the day in the hospital room with the door closed and the lights dimmed. Her coughing continued. By Sunday Burt had come back but we both fell asleep rather early. Alexa though conitued to cough through the night. Everytime I head her cough my heart starts racing. Every noise she makes makes my body cringe. My chest hurts and I'm sure it's from anxiety. But nothing compares to my poor baby having to go through this. Today, Monday August 2nd, her pertusis test came back positive. My baby girl has whooping cough. We've all been advised to get on a course of antibiotics and Burt was instructed to get the DaTP booster vaccine. And again I am scared to death. When the doctor came in to tell me I felt like an emotional bomb had been dropped on me. It all took a moment to sink in but the tears started to flow. I called Burt to tell him and the tears continued. Nothing can describe the fear that was pumping through my veins. I was an emotional mess. Eventually the nurse came in and saw me and told me she was going to get the doctor so that he could explain things better. The doctor was amazing. He even let me use his stethescope to listen to his "normal" lungs and then let me listen to Alexa's tummy gurgling and to listen to her "normal" lungs. Her lungs are clear and free from pneumonia. He even showed me her chest x-ray and thoroughly explained it to me. I felt slightly better but still overcome with sadness for my daughter. I just want her well. I want to cuddle her. I want to make her smile. I just want her to be happy. What is God trying to teach me?! Wasn't the NICU enough to teach me any such lessons? I'm trying to remind myself that things could be so much worse but everytime I do they seem to get that much worse. Please God...it's in your hands. I trust that you will take care of my baby as it's not her time to go. Our family has too much love to give her. We need her. I have faith that you know what it best and I'm putting it in your hands.