So much is going on

It's December and the Christmas holiday is in full swing. I'm pretty much done all my shopping and we have our tree up and decorated. For thinking that this month would be really hard for me I'm handling it surprisingly well. I have however been thinking about the girls a lot. I know that I would never have given birth to them on their due date because of the circumstances but I can't help thinking that they'd be here by now. I guess part of my mixed emotions regaurding this month is the fact that I am pregnant again already and trying to focus on the new life I have growing inside of me. I've been reluctant to pos lately because it's been an especially rough time for Burt and I. Our relationship was on shake grounds for a couple of weeks and I wasn't seeing any recovery in the near distant future. That has since changed and I feel like we are definitely in an upswing and doing better. The kids are enjoying th countdown to Christmas. We are spending lots of time watching Christmas movies and just getting in the spirit. They of course still do not know I am prenant with the newest little pumpkin and I'm excited to tell them on Christmas day. The other day at the dentist office Nathan saw a little baby boy todding around the office waiting room. Nathan was all smiles and eventually turned to me and said, "Mommy I wish Santa could bring me a baby for Christmas." My heart just melted. I wanted so badly to tell him right then and there, but I was still patiently waiting for the sequential screening to tellme how the baby was doing. But today that day has come and I had my ultrasound this morning at 10am. Burt and I were both a nervous wreck. We both kept repeating ,"This could either be a really great day or a really terrible day." And now looking back it was a FABULOUS day! On the walk to the ultrasound room Burt asked if we could videotape the ultrasound and sadly we were denied. I thought it would've been cool to show the kids the video when we told them the good news. Oh well, we tried right? So into the room we go and now I'm far enough along that an abdominal ultrasound let us see the baby just fine. She put the gel on my tummy and she starting looking around. I could barely see the screen and mentioned something to her about possibly letting me take a look after she was all done with her measurements. A small checklistgoes through my mind everytime I have an ultrasound. It starts with, is there a heartbeat? Yes there was. Second is, what is the heart rate? 158bpm. Third is, does the baby measure on at 12 weeks 2 days? Yes, baby exceeded that and measured 12 weeks 4 days. Great! After good news like that I can usually relax but this ultrasound was looking for more. The sequential screening is a combination of an ultrasound to measure the thickness of the back of the baby's neck and to check for a nasal bone. Then there is a blood test imediately following. The tech did all her measurements and Burt asked, does the measurement on the neck look good. All she said was, you'll have to talk to the doctor. Those dreaded words. I know by now that techs are not allowed to giveout much information, but c'mon! My mind immediately started racing with bad thoughts. Soon after that she handed me a towel and told us that she'd be right back. We'd heard that before and bad news soon followed. Maybe it's because we continuously keep getting put back in the "bad news" ultrasound room but I'm a complete nervous Nelly when I'm in that room. As soon as she left the room Burt and I starting rambling about how this couldn't be good. We both had that nagging feeling that something wasn't right. The wait seemed endless and I probably could've thrown up had I tried. I tried to remain positive and said maybe she just has to show the radiologist the pictures she took to make sure they wereclear enough. I was searching for anything to ease my mind. Then I saw another tech reaching for the doorknob to our room but she only touched it and turnd to go into the next room. Then the original tech came back in the room and I think he could see the stress and heartache in my eyes because she said something about calming down that everything was fine. That was all it took and the tears started rolling. She assured me again that baby was fine. I said, you btter not be lying and with that the other tech came in. The first tech just explained that the second tech was licensed in doing a specific part of the test that she was not licensed to do. I was relieved and felt good. So again with the ultraound goo and there was our baby on the screen again. I mentioned again to the new tech that I couldn't see much of the screen and asked her if she could turn the screen a bit when she was done and let me have a look. She said sure and went about meauring. I could see her typing something on the screen and leaned up a bit to see what it was. In the corner read NT 0.82mm. I knew that was good but asked just for some reassurance. She said anything under 2 is great. Then Burt mentioned something about how the baby was bouncing all over the place. I was excited to see and I think the tech knew it. She turned the screen a bit and just steadily held the transducer to my tummy. Our little pumpkin was bouncing all over. The grape soda I drank right before the ultrasound did the trick and baby was very active. It kept arching it's back and bouncing up off of my uterus. So cute. So busy! Then we watched it's arms and legs moving all over the place. Looked just like a miniature baby. No more blob for us! She zoomed in and got a few really cool profile pictures. In one we can see the nose and lips so clearly. I am totally in love. My heart was melting with every picture she printed. We were on cloud 9 as we left the room ad headed back to talk with Dr. Weiners. He of corse was quick and to the point. I no sooner sat down then I was shaking his hand and thanking him. He said baby measures great and everything looks normal. We scheduled our anatomy scan for February1st, my birthday and left to get my blood drawn. The nurse was great and explained everything about how the sequential screening works My blood is now on it's way to New Mexico and within two weeks I should get a call giving me a 1 in whatever ratio but everyone expects there to be no problems. We headed home after that but not before Burt got caught tring to kiss and hug on me in the elevator. Pretty funny. I couldn't help but feeling like I needed a trip to Babies R Us.