I did it!

Today I made my first trip out and about with both babies by myself. I had scheduled Jackson's well visit for this morning at 11:45. Burt came in and woke me up at 9:45 to tell me he had gotten called into work last minute. Since I hadn't planned on going it alone I still needed to shower, dress both babies, make bottles, and pack the diaper bag. After a rush job on all of the above we were out the door with no major issues. This was the first time I had used my double stroller too.

All is well with pork chop. He now weighs 10lbs 4 oz and they measured him to be 22 inches long. He is in the 95% for both height and weight. Big boy! The doctor was extremely happy with everything and I survived! Go me!

1 week old

Happy 1 week Jackson! You're an amazing little man. Mommy has loved having you around to cuddle with and so has everyone else. Your brother and oldest sister come home from school fighting about who gets to hold you first. They get you all snuggled up in the boppy and veg out for what could turn into hours. Your baby smell is mesmerizing to us all. Your such a great cuddler that even your big (but still very much a baby) sister will sit still for long periods of time holding you. If Mommy is holding you she tries to come up and grab you from my hands. You love to be held. At times I worry that you're getting too comfortable being held all the time but I can't help myself.

Eating- You're a fantastic eater as I assumed you'd be when you came out weighing 10lbs 3 oz. You left the hospital eating 2 oz every 3-4 hours and quickly moved up to 3oz every 3-4 hours. I'm so sure you'll be eating 4 and 5 oz soon that I returned two packs of 4oz Dr. Browns bottles. For now we're rotating out the 4 bottles we have but tomorrow I'll be opening up the 8 oz ones and using those too. For now you're drinking Gerber Good Start but I'm not sure we'll be sticking with that. You're a very gassy baby and just generally seem uncomfortable after eating. We started you on Little Tummies Gas Relief drops yesterday and I think I'm seeing a difference but I'm going to talk to your doctor about it tomorrow. Oh yea and my prayers have been answered...you are not a spitter upper like your sister Alexa. I'm happy I don't walk around smelling like baby formula all day long.

Sleeping- As with eating, your a champion sleeper IF the circumstances are right. You really seem to enjoy sleeping in the daytime. You sleep best on Mommy's chest listening to the sound of my heartbeat but your swing is 2nd in line. At night you start out sleeping in your cosleeper next to my bed but quickly end up in Mommy's arms and you'll sleep there for 3-4 hours straight.

Awake Time- For the past day you have been staying awake for about 30 minutes at a time. You love staring at the light mobile above your swing and are very content just staring at our faces.

Diapering- I made my first mistake being your Mommy. First of many I'm sure. Before you were born I bought a huge case of diapers from BJ's. I opened them in preparation for you and had them all stacked nicely on your PNP changing table. Little did I know that you, my little porker, would only fit in them for 3 days. The final straw was on Saturday when I changed your diaper (putting one of the newborn diapers on), got you all dressed in a super cute outfit only to pick you up and feel the puddle of pee gathering on my pants. An hour later I was at Babies R Us buying a case of Pampers size 1's.

Clothing- You are fitting perfectly in size 0-3 month clothing. Just like with the diapers I am a bit sad that you are already so big. Newborn pj's just fit you and will probably only get one wear. I'm trying to think ahead and start buying summer clothes but I really have no idea what size to buy you.

Outings- Because it's cold and flu season Mommy has been extra worried about you getting sick. The stays at Children's Hospital with your sister have scarred me for life. I hear someone sniffle and I worry. I hear you sneeze and I worry more. On coming home day we went to lunch at Ruby Tuesdays. It was noon on a Wednesday so I knew it would be pretty quiet in there and luckily it was. The only other outings you've had this week were a trip to the Sharon Hill park, a shopping trip with your sister Abby to BRU and Target and then a long walk to Harris park in your new stroller. I look forward to the weather getting nicer and spending more time outside the house with you.

Bath Time- You had your first sponge bath today. You of course hated it even though Mommy tried her best to keep you warm and cozy. In an effort to make it super quick I opted to skip the pictures.

Buh-eee (weird pronunciation of Buddy and your 1st nickname), I'm so in awe of you and I'm so happy you chose us to be your family. I still can't believe you're actually here. I thought for sure it would hit me the minute I saw you but I still think I'm in shock. Baby number four. My baby with the mysterious eyes. I love you more and more everytime I see your face, smell your baby fresh wrinkly, dry skin, and kiss your squishy cheeks.

20 months--Better late then never

And some things that didn't make the picture cut...

~~Will put anything on her feet- Abby's socks and shoes, gloves

~~Size 5 diapers

~~Loves brushing her teeth and tries stealing Nate's toothbrush every morning

~~Pretends to spit in the sink when she's brushing

~~Goes to bed at 8:30, wakes up at 8:00

~~Takes a nap from 1:00-3:00 every afternoon

~~Will eat anything except carrots

~~Loves to dip all of her food; Says "Dip it?"

~~Anytime she hears a car beep she says "Beep Beep"

~~Anytime she hears a train she says "Choo Choo"

~~Has 12 teeth- 4 front top, 4 front bottom, 4 molars (4 pointy teeth breaking thru now)

~~Loves playing in Abby and Nathan's room; Cries when they leave to go play up there

~~Loves to play with Nathan's DS

Fast forward

Sometimes I think of life in terms of what I was doing this exact day a year ago or a month ago. This time it's what I was doing a week ago. A week ago at 10:30pm I was in excruciating pain. I had found out that I was 3-4cms dilated and I was begging for an epidural. I was dreaming of when I'd be looking at my handsome guy's little face. Now here I lay, comfy in my bed, pain free, staring at my baby swaddled in the cosleeper next to my bed. It's crazy how life can change so quickly. One minute he's head down squished in my belly and the next he's here! Life is amazing!

Hospital Stay

It always seems that when I'm in the hospital after my deliveries I'm so antsy to get home. After delivering Abby I couldn't wait to get her home to see if I could take care of her without the nurses help. After Nathan's I was excited to get home because I missed Abby so much and I couldn't wait to see my two babies interacting together. After Lexa's I just couldn't wait to be done with all of the blood pressure checks. I couldn't wait to enjoy the beautiful weather with all three kids. This time I was so lonely. With it being cold and flu season the kids weren't allowed onto the postpartum floor. They were allowed to visit with me in the waiting room and could look at the baby thru the nursery window, but there's nothing like that 1st visit after having a baby and thru the glass window wasn't how I imagined it. The visiting rules also meant that in order for Burt to come visit me and Jackson that he had to find a sitter for all three kids. Unfortunately Alexa has become Miss Anti-Social and she cries anytime someone unfamiliar even tries to talk to her. That really narrows down our choice of sitters to just my sister Amanda...not the ideal canidate.

On Monday afternoon Burt brought the kids up for the official meet and greet. They gave me some lovings and immediately asked to see the baby. The big kids were super excited. Abby said, "Awww, look how small he is." Maybe compared to Alexa but compared to the other babies in the nursery he was a beast. Alexa just kept repeating "Baby. Baby. Baby."

On Monday night Burt and the kids went to the pinewood derby. I had spent the whole day cuddling with my pork chop, but I was in serious need of some adult interaction. Luckily Cindy showed up and entertained me for a couple of hours. She also came bearing gifts which was even more exciting! She made me an amazing diaper wreath with an embroidered burp cloth to hang on my hospital door. She brought an embroidered blanket and a Dr. Seuss embroidered burp cloth. Oh yea and super cute balloons to brighten up the room. I must have had over 30 nurses, doctors, cleaning people and lab techs stop in my room to compliment me on the door wreath. She lived up to every meaning of the word best friend.

On Tuesday Burt had Amanda sit at the house while Alexa napped and he brought me up Chinese food. He actually walked in only minutes before Cindy. All three of us sat and reminisced about my labor and delivery.

On Wednesday we were discharged. Home sweet home. Alexa was so excited when I unstrapped Jackson from his car seat. She ran around the house giggling and making silly sounds. She'd come over to me and the baby for a second and say "Mine?". I couldn't have been happier with her immediate acceptance of him.

Welcome to the world baby boy!

I found this and thought it was a pretty cool reference for dilation.

I figure I better get this post in now while it's still fresh in my mind and while both babies are sleeping. Jackson Joseph has made his debut! He is amazing in so many ways and even though I wasn't sure I could love a 4th child as much as I loved the first 3, it has happened and my heart is exploding with love for him.

Sunday, February 19th I woke up with some back pain. At first I blamed it on the horrible nights sleep I had....up peeing 100 times and feeling even more uncomfortable then the night before. Then I realized the pain was coming and going. I laid in bed cuddling with Alexa for awhile and then we ventured downstairs for some breakfast. It was a few hours before I was really convinced that the back pain was in fact turning into regular contractions. My feelings would change just as frequently as the contractions came and went. One minute I was excited that this might be it. This might be labor. I might get to meet my 2nd son very soon. The next contraction I'd be worried and sick with the fear of how very painful labor is. The next I'd feel disappointment when I felt like the contractions were slowing down. Super emotional day for sure. Around 2:00 the big kids and I took to the streets for some walking. I knew that if it was true labor walking would bring on more contractions. By this time they were coming every 5-6 minutes. We walked for almost and hour. By time we were back home I was almost in tears because I knew the contractions were spacing out. I sat and secretly pouted on the couch. At this point in the pregnancy I was just so uncomfortable and cranky and just tired of waiting and wondering when labor would start. On Wednesday I had my membranes stripped and lots of contractions (1, almost 2 cms dilated at my appointment). On Thursday I lost part of my mucus plug. On Friday the rest of it, followed by more contractions and lots of walking at the zoo. On Saturday I was super uncomfortable and thought the baby had dropped but in hindsight now just think he turned so that his face/head were facing the front of my belly and not my back. I was just very ready to meet this little guy! Luckily for me around 4:00 the contractions picked back up again. Burt was in the shower and the kids and I were just hanging out watching TV. I started timing and writing them down at 4:17. By 4:24 another one. 4:29 another. 4:35 another. By 5: 14 I knew they weren't stopping. I put a plan in motion. I was going to try and stick it out at home until 8:30 when we'd put Alexa to bed and have Amanda and Juan over to baby-sit. By 6:00 I knew that wasn't going to happen. I knew I wouldn't last. Burt went and picked them up and I just quietly breathed thru every contraction. When they got home I put in the call to the midwives office. Amy called me back and told me "You're no rookie, you know what labor is. If you feel like it's time to come in, come in." A half hour later we were in the car and heading to the hospital. Once there I refused a wheelchair and just slowly walked up to the labor and delivery floor. They sent me to room three and I was given my gown and hooked up to the monitors. Unfortunately I had a student nurse. Everything seemed to take twice as long as it should. Once I was finally checked they told me I was still 1-2 cms. My heart broke. How could I be the same as my appointment after all those painful contractions. I knew they wouldn't admit me if there wasn't some change and I knew I'd never survive the night if they sent me home in so much pain. I cried and felt so hopeless. As I laid there waiting for them to get a good tracing on the baby's heart rate (he kept moving off the monitor) I prayed that things would progress. I was now at the point where I couldn't talk during contractions and I didn't want anyone trying to talk to me during them either. By 8:30 Cindy had shown up and the nurses instructed me to try walking for an hour. Cindy, Burt and I took to the halls, pacing up and down labor and delivery and venturing over to the nursery window. There was only one baby in there. I was so excited thinking about my baby boy being in there. The contractions continued on getting worse and worse. We walked some more trying to make small talk and pass the time in between the pain. Cindy was an awesome coach and I couldn't love her anymore. Burt was good too but nothing like another woman to be there who knows just how horrible those contractions could be. By 9:30 we started heading back to my room but the nurses told me they'd check me at 10:00. Although a bit disappointed I knew that gave me 30 more minutes to progress. At ten they checked me and I was 3-4 cms. Thank God! I begged for an epidural and they got the ball rolling. IV in. Blood drawn. Midwife (Moon) on the way in to check me herself. By 10:30 I was given the a okay for IV pain meds and they started them. I was still in super amounts of pain but the meds made it so I didn't care. I slept for most of the next 30 minutes in between contractions. By 11:00 the anesthesiologist was there and I was hunched over in the bed waiting for the relief. It took him quite awhile to actually place it. Later I found out he was a newer doctor and that the midwives didn't quite like him. By 11:19 the epi was placed. I was still feeling pain on my right side so I was told to lay on that side to help move the meds some. 10 minutes later I was convinced that I was just destined to not be completely numb. At 11:50 Moon broke my water. Clear fluid. She also checked me. 5 centimeters. I was exhausted. I slept for a bit but was still awoken by pain every 5 minutes. Not contraction type pain but pressure type pain. At 12:30 I was 7 cms. Things seemed to be moving quickly and we all thought I'd be delivering in a couple hours. At some point the pain got worse and my epidural was topped off. Around 4:30 I asked to be checked. I wasn't feeling any more pressure but I had been 9cms dilated with just a rim of cervix left on the right side for quite some time. I was getting a bit inpatient. Once they checked me I was given the go ahead for pushing. I couldn't feel any pressure or contractions. I kept asking the nurses to let me know when I was having them but no one seemed to listen. Finally I asked Cindy to let me know and she did. I pushed for almost 20 minutes. The hardest 20 minutes of my life. I gave up a few times. I cried a few times and begged for someone to just take him out. At one point the nurse asked the midwife if she should page the nursery and the midwife said no. I was devastated. I knew that calling the nursery meant I was close and not calling the nursery meant I still had a long road ahead. I think Burt knew I was getting pretty burned out. He really started cheering me on and I found a 2nd dose of energy. I knew I was close when I felt his head and it wasn't moving back up. 1 push later his head was out and the midwife was telling me not to push anymore. She worked his shoulders out and there he was. A slippery screaming baby on my belly. I don't remember having too many different emotions. My primary feeling was one of worry. He came out and calmed down so quickly that I wasn't sure if he was calm because of me and my voice or if something was wrong with him. All I wanted was for the nursery nurse to check him out. The midwife took him to the warmer and I just watched him. He started crying again immediately and I knew he was fine. Cindy snapped 100 pictures of him from her phone and Burt took a million with the camera. As the midwife worked on me everyone started joking about his size. We all started taking bets. Moon said he was 9lbs 3 oz. I guessed 9lbs 6oz. Burt guessed 9lbs. We were all pretty far off as the porker weighed 10lbs 3 oz. No wonder I was so uncomfortable! He was amazing! And his pudgy cheeks can't be any cuter! Burt held him for a bit because I was shaking so badly. Once the shakes wore off I got my cuddle time. He was so awake! My heart melted as I looked into his eyes. This was the little guy who made me so sick in the 1st trimester. This is the little guy who I worried so much about before my anatomy scan at 18 weeks. This is the little guy whose feet were kicking and pushing on my belly. Jackson.

By 6:00 the room was quiet. Cindy, Moon and all the nurses had left. It was just Mommy, Daddy, and Jackson. The nurse had done a quick test of his blood sugar (because of his large size) and it came back at 73 and they allowed me to feed him. By 7:00 Burt and I were making plans for the day. He was heading home to take care of the other 3 kids and we decided he'd be bringing them up later in the day to see the baby in the nursery. I knew they'd be moving me to the postpartum unit soon so I had him pack up all of my stuff. Baby Jackson headed to the nursery. I was exhausted but on a serious adrenaline high. My baby was here and healthy. All 10 fingers and toes. I couldn't wait to see him again...to smell him again but I knew I needed some rest. I love you Jackson. My 4th child. My 2nd son. The missing piece of my heart that I never knew I was missing.

C'mon Jackson!

February 15th was my 39 week appointment. Weight and blood pressure were fantastic. I complained about the head cold that I had for over 2 weeks. Becca prescribed a round of antibiotics and I pray they work. When given the option of being checked to see if I was dilated I hoped right on it. Up until that point I had a few nights of pretty strong braxton hicks contractions but nothing that I thought would have dilated me. When she checked and said I was 1, almost 2 centimeters I was shocked. She assured me that she felt his head down and she stripped my membranes. I was pretty hopeful leaving the office that I would be feeling some contractions. I was right. Contractions all night until around 1am when I fell asleep. Now here I sit 2 days till my due date and still pregnant. Apparently he's not ready to come and meet us yet. I'm so excited to see his little face and take in all the baby goodness.

38 Weeks

January 21, 2012- 35 weeks 5 days pregnant
What I look at all day long. Good-bye tootsies!

January 22, 2012- 35 weeks 6 days pregnant
They always want to feel him moving

Kisses for baby brother

Cuddles for "bay-bee"

January 28, 2012- 36 weeks 5 days pregnant

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Now we play the waiting game. I'm ready for him to come any time now. Our house has become officially re-baby-fied. We have the swing set up in the living room, the pack and play/bassinet/changer set up in the dining room fully stocked with newborn diapers, wipes, binkies, bumbo, blankets and burp clothes. We have a bouncy seat in the kitchen, the cosleeper in my bedroom, and a hospital bag full of goodies. On the agenda for tomorrow is installing the carseat base in the van. This is really happening!

My 38 week appointment with the midwives was very uneventful. Burt mentioned our mini scare Saturday night when I realized I hadn't felt any movement in a long while. We told her how I drank some OJ and laid on my side. She reassured us that we did everything right. Burt continued on to tell her about how nervous he is now about something going wrong. She again reassured us that that is a completely normal feeling and that as the time gets closer parents realize just how much they love this little baby already and that feelings of vulnerability often take over. We again listened to the munchkins heartbeat. She couldn't decide exactly how he was laying in there. She did say that he is for sure head down. My next appointment is Feb 15th and I'll be 39 weeks 2 days. Perhaps maybe then we can talk about induction. I'm so ready to see this little man!

Trip to L&D but not in labor

On the 30th I turned 37 weeks pregnant. We "celebrated" with a midwives appointment. I'm going once a week now. My bp was excellent and I had lost a 1/2 lb. We did a quick check of his heartbeat and Becca wasn't happy. This was the 2nd week in a row that it was beating very fast. She wrapped up the appointment very quickly and sent us to L&D. Luckily Amanda had a midwives appointment at the same time so she was with us. We left Alexa with her in the waiting room and headed back. They hooked me up to the monitor and right away the nurse could tell his heartbeat sounded normal. They gave me a cup of apple juice and some peanut butter crackers and told me to push the handheld button everytime I felt some movement. After about an hour of monitoring we were sent home with a clean bill of health. Fast forward 1 day to my birthday and I was battling a headcold. Bummer.